As most of you know, I officially moved out of our house a few days ago. I was technically living in isolation (not by choice) in our house for over 2 months now, so it was an overdue process. My sister came to help out and I literally couldn’t have done it without her. She had to be the one to take the first piece of decor off the walls. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I worked so hard to make our house a home, and now it is no longer my home at all. I love y’all for loving on my home decor pics and blog posts- it has brought me so much excitement and creativity over the last several months, but sadly that small passion of mine has taken a hiatus. Can I kindly, and seriously, ask you a favor? If you would, please refrain from asking for home decor opinions and from tagging me in home decor ideas. It hurts too much right now. I loved doing it all and I wish that I was spending my summer re-arranging my church bench for the 100th time, but sadly it is locked away in a storage unit until further notice.
I’ve mentioned that I’ve been experiencing anxiety attacks since all of this started. Thankfully, they are fewer and farther between these days. If you’ve specifically prayed for that- I have noticed a difference. I was getting the “elephant on my chest” feeling and had those sudden quickening breaths while packing, and almost as suddenly as that small moment hit me, it disappeared. I felt that wave of anxiety again as I loaded the last load in my car and quickly told my sister “I can’t go back inside....” and closed the garage door for the last time. But the full-blown attack never came. I’m so thankful for that. I sat in my car thinking about how now, I currently reside at a Storage Unit. Well, I don’t actually live INSIDE the unit... LOL... but a Storage Unit is my present address. However, instead of a sudden meltdown, I continued to sit there in my driveway and one question overtook me— “God, what am I supposed to do next?”
And, if you’ve been wondering- Yes-I have applied for teaching jobs here in Indiana. I’ve been applying for different positions for about 2 weeks and have gotten nothing in response. As I’ve said it to friends- staying in Tennessee would be hard, but leaving would also be hard for multiple reasons. The pros and cons lists are extensively long. However, my prayer going into this was— “Open the door in Indiana if it’s meant to be open for me, or keep it closed if I need to wait it out in Tennessee.”
However, after whispering that small, short question— “God, what am I going to do next?”
I suddenly heard a “DING” on my phone letting me know I had a new message notification. Insanely enough, it was about an interview for the very first school I felt led to apply at. I’m not kidding the timing was almost immediate—too obvious to ignore. I was just sitting there with my car’s ignition on, but still in park. A moment before, I was unable to drive off because of what I was leaving behind me, but a moment later, I saw that message on my phone and I knew God was taking care of me. He can hear me. He will not leave me or abandon me. He knows what's best for me. One thing God has made very clear to me is that we can try and plan our lives out as much as we want, but ultimately we are not in control of tomorrow.
Will I get the job? Will I take it? I don’t have the final answer for you. As the theme song from The Hills would say... “The rest is still unwritten”. But I do know that we have a God who wants to speak to us and He wants to show us the way. Even when we don’t know what to say or where to go next, we simply have to be willing to ask and then be open to a response in His perfect timing.