Currently, I'm sitting here thinking about the journal you got us for writing letters to each other on our anniversaries and how entirely romantic it was, the idea of having a journal together of the anniversary tales we would have to look back on 50 years from now. It may be dawning on you that I left that journal in our house when I moved out. I didn't want to be the one to carry the burden of disposing of it or holding on to it for someone else to find down the road. Since it is no longer in my possession- here is the final (digital) entry I'm making in that journal, as your ex-wife on (what could have been) our 4th wedding anniversary tomorrow:
Will you be with my ex-husband today? Will you show him how much you love him? Break the bonds that are holding him back from noticing You. Release his worries and fears of the future. Bring him love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control in every aspect of life. God, this is the hardest prayer I've ever prayed. Let him have the most amazing people walk into his life, life him up, and be there for him when life gets hard. Be with his family and show them how deeply loved by You (and me) that they are. God, this feels like an impossible prayer to pray. Make it possible. Provide a way for Your hand to work in mysterious ways in this life. Show him the truth, and let the truth set him free. He's searching for happiness- and wherever he searches, let him find You there. Give him hope. Give him wisdom. Guide his heart and his life. I pray that you provide him with the grit to finish school and to land a job that he's passionate about. I pray, that someday, he does get the family and children he deserves. In Your Name, let all of his wildest dreams come true. Let me remember this prayer when I'm sad, or angry, or disappointed. May this become the anthem of my heart towards him. Forgive me for the pain, grief, and resentment I've potentially caused him. Be with us both as we go our separate ways.
In your Name,